Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
