oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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