I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
