can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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