im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
