I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
