I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
this will be a night to untag.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
