honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize
