If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
