so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
