No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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