Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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