just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
