How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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