i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
