If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
please come you make the beer taste better
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
