Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
