Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
