sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
