I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
