I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My vagina is very pro this idea
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
