Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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