After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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