I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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