Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
