next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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