then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
