i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
