So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
