What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am one with the molecules
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
