He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
