the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
lol hangovers are for mortals.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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