I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
