Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
