I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
