i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
