Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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