Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
