I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
