The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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