I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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