good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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