The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
