she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
