Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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