Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
