whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
