fuck your aforementioned shoe
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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