Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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