im drinking this country out of the recession.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
