i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
When are your genitals available?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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