I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
